A Formal Endorsement, albeit Conditional

I hereby endorse John Mayer.
just not his music.

I have never willingly nor purposefully listened to a whole song of John Mayer's, yet I do willingly and purposefully subscribe to his blogs.

The son of a bitch is funny! (Mid-paragraph note: I'm gonna use 'son of a bitch' more often because Esquire told me to, it has more of an impact, more swagger than 'asshole'. They use True Grit as a prime example and I'm all for talking more like they do in Westerns. Just not as slow. In a related note: I want to say cocksucker more. But 'that's one funny cocksucker' just doesn't work, not at all. So I'm working on it.)
Ok, so John Mayer's not hilarious. But he has wit, awareness, self-deprecation, and good spelling. And he loves fonts!

I'm not gonna say we're meant to be, look I just wanna be friends. Blog friends. So I'll read on chuckling and nodding 'So true John Mayer, so true...' and leave it at that.
I just wanted to spread the word. John Mayer's word.

one blog: http://blog.honeyee.com/john/
and the other: http://johnmayer.com/blog

tall.

Hate Parade Marches On...

I had an about-face a while ago. I wanted to take back the hate.
The turn came around the time my brother said (in reference to the Ratner post) 'yeah but it seems like there's something wrong with YOU.' Which I then realized is what I think every time I read Perez and he's railing on someone, stirring up shit, calling people names, etc. I think 'Buddy, what's with the beef, they're just doing what they do.' Or holy hell, you ever read the comments on such blogs? Hate-filled mongers. The dredges of the typing republic. Terrible company to be in.
So, I turned the mirror on myself and realized that Ratner too is just doing what he do. So even though he's a schmuck and I don't like his output, I take back my hate-filled words. Cause I don't want people thinking there's something wrong with ME. I'm an appreciator! An opinionated one, sure, but still, I appreciate. A lot. Like, all the time.

And as I started to face about, I thought maybe I should try and apply this generally. In my life. Less hate, more ... let's not say love, but let's say tolerance. This isn't exactly ground-breaking material, but I think me, you, we have to come to this conclusion at some point on our own, when we're ready (and probably over and over). The conclusion to just relax, basically. Take it easy on people, artists, the public in general. Tone it down ya know? Example: I want to stop calling fellow drivers Fuckface. Maybe just a sigh and a headshake from now on. Tonin' it down.
Except... for one. I just may be compiling all my anger and wrath for this one person.

And that brings me to my point.
I have completely fallen in rage with a stranger. The love is gone and any excuse is unmerited, cause there is NO. REASON. this person needs to steal my Sunday paper every motherfuckin' Sunday. MY paper. Every Sunday. Systematically. I don't care if it's used to build nests for endangered bald eagles. Or to make a house for a newborn human. Or whatever the hell reason you could think of for stealing a paper, it's mine. Every week it's mine and not theirs, and yet it's the opposite. Because I have not been able to catch the thief. And the rage from this predicament is flooding over, ruining my about-face. I have taken these extreme feelings away from some and many and focused them on one. More deservedly sure, but it's still hate and it's still ruinous.

So. What am I learning?
Well I'm slowly learning what time I have to wake up to catch this bastard (6 is too early, 6:30 too late), but I'm also learning that you still gotta stay tolerant (failing, obviously). And I hope to get this fuckface and his paper thieving ways behind me so I can go back to sighs and headshakes, love and appreciation.

Wish me luck.

yours,
The tall. Also: the mad.

Goldface

Brought to my attention by someone who can certainly afford this type of extravagance, is the La Prairie Pure Gold serum. Slather this stuff on (or dab, depending on how the recession is treating you) and your face will glow, literally, with real 24 Karat gold. $550 for one ounce. Worth it?

I'm gonna start a club. a hate one. in his face.

I hate Brett Ratner.
When did this animosity begin? After seeing his X-Men movie. I made a lofty critique that he has no art in him. He lacks a vision of beauty, subtlety, grace. He is far too fond of wind machines.
And then he made a kajillion dollars with that flick.
And probably a kajillion more on the next one. (rough estimates.)

My hate time line continues:

Then I read an article, a profile, where he's all 'I hang out with the hottest chicks. I'm going to this premiere with Blahbiblah. She's the hottest thing out right now' (that's not the name of the Asian chick from Mission Impossible III, but that's who he meant.) And maybe I don't remember more specifics of the article, but I do remember getting a slime vibe that put him on the scale just above Joe Francis. But then it's worse because Joe Francis doesn't claim to be an artist. (What he claims to be I would like to know, but I digress.)

THEN.
I get glimpses of his Heidi Klum-starring ads for Jordache jeans.
check it:


do you hate this like I do? It's just sooo Brett Ratner. and by that I mean, not as cool as he thinks it is. It's basic. Boring. Banal. Ooooh mirrors, oooooh a whip. NO, BRETT. LAME.

ok, if this all seems objective and overly opinionated, take heart, now I have proof!

ahem, LA Times, Feb. 23rd. An article about Julian Schnabel's art opening.
an exerpt:
""Rush Hour 3" director Brett Ratner arrived at the Gagosian with one of "Diving Bell's" stars, Emmanuelle Seigner, and stood contemplating the work.

"I don't know if I would hang it in my house, but I find it very interesting," Ratner said. "He's definitely an artist and a filmmaker. An artist can make art in any medium."

The director paused. "Alina, don't touch the paintings!" he suddenly admonished a gorgeous female companion he spotted absent-mindedly leaning most of her shoulder onto one of Schnabel's canvases."

Ok then, lemme count the ways.
1 - Requisite mention of him hanging out with a hottie of the moment.
2 - The 'hang it in my house' line is classic ignorant art idiot.
3 - The 'artist can make art in any medium' is also idiotic but not as classic. Who has ever said that???? No one, because it makes no sense. Any medium? Every 'artist' can paint, sculpt, film-make, clothing design, compose, song write, dance, choreograph, decorate interiorily, dog groom?? Ug.
and 4 - He hangs out with morons who lean on paintings.


Oh.
And he's ugly.
Join the club!! Join it in his face!


yours truly,
TALL.

source: http://www.calendarlive.com/tv/radio/cl-et-schnabel23feb23,0,3536611.story

Chicago 10: Drawn into a revolution

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-morgen28feb28,0,6811263.story
From the Los Angeles Times



'Chicago 10': Drawn into a revolution

By Gina Piccalo, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer, February 28, 2008

When writer-director Brett Morgen first waded into the voluminous records of the infamous Chicago Seven trial of 1969, he was blown away by the sheer theater of it all. The charismatic, radical Abbie Hoffman -- whose Yippie movement elevated him to rock-star status -- led tens of thousands of peaceful Vietnam War protesters to the 1968 Democratic National Convention, which resulted in bloody clashes with Chicago police and National Guard troops. Within weeks, he and seven others were charged with conspiracy and inciting a riot among other crimes. And then a trial of the absurd began.

It's a story that has been so mythologized by the media and dozens of books, films and documentaries that Morgen knew his interpretation had to transcend baby boomer nostalgia and eschew the traditional talking head format to give the most gripping account of this historic turning point -- but emphasize the ridiculousness of it all too.

The result is a dynamic documentary "Chicago 10," which premiered at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival and is set to open theatrically Friday. It melds animation and contemporary music -- Rage Against the Machine and the Beastie Boys -- with gripping archival footage to give an immediacy and an urgency to the 40-year-old story.

"The reason filmmakers will always be drawn to that trial is [that] it's Shakespearean," said Morgen, during a recent interview at the Chateau Marmont. "You can't believe that this actually happened.""Chicago 10" refers to the initial eight antiwar defendants -- including Hoffman (voiced by Hank Azaria), Jerry Rubin (Mark Ruffalo), pacifist David Dellinger (Dylan Baker) and Black Panther Party co-Chairman Bobby Seale (voiced by Jeffrey Wright) -- and their two attorneys Leonard Weinglass and William Kunstler. Prosecutor Thomas Foran is voiced by Nick Nolte, and Judge Julius Hoffman is voiced by the late Roy Scheider.

The film opens with archival footage of the hippie movement -- the oft-seen undulating flower children and fist-in-the-air protests -- paired with scenes of Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley ordering 25,000 police and National Guard troops to "shoot-to-kill" protesters and the bloody riots that ensued. Meanwhile, there's Abbie Hoffman meandering through a park, blithely telling a TV reporter that his Yippie protest in Chicago and the tens of thousands of young people committed to it is "all conceived as a total theater.""Ultimately [the protest] was the biggest piece of political theater ever staged on American soil," Morgen said. "They had a cast of thousands. Jerry and Abbie predicted what was going to happen -- Norman Mailer references it in his testimony. All they had to do was show up and [the police] were going to go berserk. They couldn't handle it. They couldn't handle that someone was different than them."

From there, the story moves back and forth between the animated version of the trial -- the odd motion-capture animated characters exaggerating the surreal nature of the event -- and actual footage from the riots."I'm not a historian," Morgen said. "I don't even think of myself as a documentarian. I'm a filmmaker and a director first. And I like to acknowledge the subjectivity of the media. In animation, you're creating something that can't be objective history, but creating something more steeped in mythology. It really seemed to make sense on so many different levels."

The film depicts the shocking real-life scene when Judge Hoffman had Seale gagged and bound because the defendant repeatedly requested the right to address the court. In another moment, Rubin and Abbie Hoffman shut down proceedings by arriving to court in judicial robes. Morgen was still riding the wave of his acclaimed Robert Evans documentary "The Kid Stays in the Picture" when producer and Vanity Fair Editor Graydon Carter marveled at the fact that young people weren't protesting the Iraq war more forcefully. Carter suggested Morgen consider a documentary on the famed trial of 1960s radicals."For two years, I wrestled with how I was going to pull this off," Morgen said. "I was reading a book -- the Abbie Hoffman bio 'Steal This Book' -- and there was a line from Jerry Rubin in there that said the trial was a 'cartoon show' and it was like oh yeah! Animation!"

Executive producer Ricky Strauss said he hopes that the film might inspire viewers -- particularly the under-30 crowd -- in this historic election year."There are amazing similarities between that time and today," said Strauss, president of Participant Productions, the socially conscious company that partnered on the film with River Road Entertainment.Since last week, Participant, Vanity Fair and distributor Roadside Attractions have hosted four "citizen summits" after free screenings. Each of these events -- in San Francisco, Los Angeles and Chicago -- features a panel of local activists talking about affecting social change. The last summit is tonight in New York."Ultimately," Morgen said, "it sort of forces you to ask yourself: What am I doing? Am I doing enough? Do I have the courage to do what people did in Chicago?"

gina.piccalo@latimes.com

Chicago 10 opens February 29th.

Anvil!

Spinal Tap - this time, for real. If you have ever been in a band or dreamt of being a rockstar-
At 14, Toronto school friends Steve “Lips” Kudlow and Robb Reiner made a pact to rock together forever. Their band, Anvil, went on to become the “demigods of Canadian metal,” releasing one of the heaviest albums in metal history, 1982’s Metal on Metal. The album influenced a musical generation, including Metallica, Slayer, and Anthrax, and went on to sell millions of records. But Anvil’s career took a different path—straight to obscurity. Director Sacha Gervasi has concocted a wonderful and often hilarious account of Anvil's last-ditch quest for elusive fame and fortune.
-the short

My Ex-pired Relationship

When a relationship dies, if moaning to anyone who will listen is not your style, or it was and there is simply no one left to moan to, visit Relationship Obituaries to lay out the facts about the recently deceased union. How was it born, cause of death, and who are the survivors?

Here is a taste:

LC and MB - known for their not-so-subtle differences in age, religion, race, regional accents and networth - died after drinking a toxic dose of sanity. They were 2 and a half years old. The relationship started with feelings of dreamy bliss - despite a horrible backdrop involving the suicide of a best friend. LC found MB's humor, touch, and eccentricity a great distraction, and they became close - quickly. The bliss eventually devolved into lies, boundary crossings, and a visit by the Watertown police. They met at an art auction, hosted by a good friend of LC's date. A shared interest in artificial intelligence led to the introduction of MB and LC's date, and of course, LC. LC will be remembered for the Christmas gift of all time and for being a needed Doubting Thomas in MB's life. MB will be remembered for his persistent optimism and genuine desire to do good in the world. LC & MB are survived by a stock options trial.

-the short

Gag me. No don't.

Is there anyway for someone to write about people talking about music that doesn't sound horribly cheesy and contrived.
Let's use Juno as an example. When Jason Bateman and Ellen Page talk about music, she says something along the lines of 'after hearing Iggy Pop and the Stooges everything else seems...' something, an adjective, I don't remember which. And then Jason Bateman's all 'This is my favorite song, Sonic Youth blah blah'.
And it all just sounds so fake and lame.
Another great example, Natalie Portman hands her headphones to Zach Braff and says The Shins will change his life. Barf.
This is all good for soundtrack sales. And for making music lovers (read: snobs) gag.

Why doesn't this work? Why do I wince? I have and listen to conversations about music constantly. Do I wince then? Yes I do, who am I kidding.
This makes me think of Annie Hall.

So how did Melissa and I sound when she complained about the guitar playing on Justin Timberlake's tour. Not enough soul she claimed, while I was like whatever that's how arena tours sound and isn't his dancing so dreamy. Would there have been eye rolling?

Well I wanna try and recreate or invent something that sounds real and not nauseating, something you, my reader, won't roll your eyes at.

Ok, so how about this. Melissa and Angela in 'Tom Petty v. David Bowie.'

M: Tom Petty's not that amazing.
A: I love him. You love him, what are you talking about?
M: Kind of boring.
A: He writes such good songs.
M: He's no David Bowie.
A: They're just different.
M: David Bowie has more range.
A: Well duh, but Tom Petty is more relatable.
M: I don't think so.
A: Um, yeah, that's an actual fact.
M: Well I think more people can relate to David Bowie.
A: No way, Tom Petty writes about love, luck, life. David Bowie is bedazzling his unitards writing songs about other solar systems.
M: And David Bowie influenced way more people.
A: Maybe, but I think if you surveyed the general public, more people would like to live in Tom Petty's world than David Bowie's.
M: I wouldn't wanna live in Tom Petty's world.
A: I think you would. I've never seen you wear anything glittery.
M: David Bowie's world is a JAM. Tom Petty's world is a stonerfest.
A: There's more to him than just 'relaxing'. He shows a very wide range of emotions.
M: Not really.
A: My brother is trying to convince people that John Mellencamp is under-appreciated.
M: John Mellencamp's got nothin' on David Bowie.
A: What is it with you and David Bowie?
M: The hair. And that glorious vibrato.
A: Well you've got me there.

do I win?
take that, Diablo.


written by the TALL.

Not high enough...

This is just embarrassing. and hilarious. the hands! As Tyra would say: "Watch your fingers!"

Heidi Montag 'Higher' music video

Hollywood Fashion

See the creations of all five of this year Oscar nominees in Costume Design at the Fashion Institute in downtown LA. Keira Knightley might have not convinced you with her acting skills in Atonement, but that green dress was sure to leave an impression. More than 125 costumes from 25 films are on display through April 12. www.fashionmuseum.org

Overrated vs. Underrated

The snarky, rapid-fire quips that pass for "razor sharp wit" amount to little more than an emotionally superficial take on teen pregnancy. That "Juno" received Oscar nods for best picture and original screenplay -- it's "Little Miss Sunshine" all over again: another sweet movie overhyped. "Juno" could have been the female "Superbad"--trenchantly funny and thus too edgy to be seriously considered.

Juno - overrated? Yes, according to myself and the LA times. And we know what we are talking about. Tall might not be an asshole, but I am. If you have a laptop, turn it upside down to find out what is underrated. If not, then practice a headstand.

yours,

the short.

senile storytime

This is a recent story from a guy at work about his 82 year old mother.

She was somewhere out and about doing old lady things and she sees a Chinese restaurant and thinks to herself 'mmm won ton soup sounds amazing!' So she heads over to the restaurant and walks in. Things seemed strange to her, the main room was big and empty, but a guy walks up to her so she asks about ordering some won ton soup for takeout. Stuart quotes the man as saying 'um, no I don't think so.' Now whether he pointed this out or she realized it is a mystery - but it turns out she was in a Tae Kwon Do studio. Then she laughs a lot and we're gonna assume the man laughed with her. She walks outside and laughs some more, people probably thought she was crazy she says. Laughing on the sidewalk.

Let's hope they were just amused and not offended ya crazy broad.

Bless her! and take away her license!

yours,
the tall.

what is this a mission statement?

I just wanna say this: I'm sorry. and thank you for reading this. and please don't think I'm an asshole. Because I think some blog writers are assholes. They use the blog as a forum to publicly declare how cool they are, how much they care about certain shit that's like, important and so on and so on.I just wanna be funny and thoughtful. both or just one and most of the time.

so there it is. we love you.

yours,
the tall.